“You know your problem, Quentin? You keep expecting people not to be them-selves. I mean, I could hate you for being massively unpunctual and for never being interested in anything other than Margo Roth Spiegelman, but and for, like, never asking me about how it’s going with my girlfriend- but I don’t give a shit man, because you’re you.” – Paper Towns by John Green
Paper Towns was not only one of my most favorite books, but it also seemed to be more than relatable to the current status of my life. It basically explained a boy’s dream of reaching something which was not only unattainable, but also just an imagination compared to what it actually was. He spent his life creating a picture of what he wanted, and revolving it around a girl who he never really knew. I won’t spoil the ending, but basically, things change from what he once imagined. Through the many obstacles of discovering what he was actually looking for, he resented others for the way they thought, and felt. His world was only seen through his eyes, and he could never understand the way others saw things.
My life has consisted of having these unreachable expectations for others, and as always, they’re never met. They also almost always end with disappointment, like William Shakespeare once said, “Expectation is the root of all heartache”. Not that all expectations are bad, in fact, it’s very important you have them with all that you do. What is truly important is how high you set them, and when to know they’re going too far.
My expectations have lead me to ask three questions, and I have never been able to find the answers, nor do I believe I ever will.
How could they see it that way?
How could they do that?
How could they think that?
Those three questions are ridiculous because, we’re all different. We all have our own background which influences the way we speak, feel, and think. We also all have our own mindsets, and we all have our own views. As much as we’d like the world to see things the way we do, it doesn’t work like that. You may find some who agrees with you, but there are always multiple sides of why they may. A) They may be someone who feels the need to agree w/ everyone simply to avoid conflict. B) You actually met someone who shares a common feeling. C) They’re sucking up.
The point is, not everyone will treat people the way you think they should. Not everyone will feel as passionately as you do about women’s rights (or whatever it may be). Not everyone will feel the sympathy that you do towards others. Not everyone will understand the importance saying please, and thank you. The truth is, not everyone will do, think, and feel the ways that you do. What we have to understand is, that’s just fine.
I’ve come to acknowledge the fact that i’ve pushed others away simply because of my own ignorance. I have expected others to think, feel, and act the way I do. After that acknowledgment, I have realized how unfair it is. Although I do believe some of the things I think are morally correct, it doesn’t mean my friends should have to too. You can try your best to suggest that someone is thinking incorrectly, but most of the time, it does absolutely nothing. If the people I talk to are anything like me, they wouldn’t listen to a single word i’m saying. That is simply because the way I feel, and think will not change to please anyone other than myself.
At the end of it all, we have a choice. We can try to change others and expect them to be someone they’re not. OR, we can let them be them. We can let them think the way they think, and not necessarily agree, but just accept it. We can spend our lives being frustrated with the ways that people view things, or just understand that they have different insights than we do. All people have seen different things, and experienced them in different ways. We can blame them all we want for how wrong it may be, or understand that they’ve just seen it in a different way than we have.
I will never understand some things about life, and that is probably the most interesting part of it. Everything is a surprise. Life consists of throwing us different obstacles, and people. Whether it’s mingling, collaborating, or communicating, these individuals have been there for us one way or another. Each of these people are usually different in their own unique, and uncommon ways. What I have learned is, we cannot simply push these people out because of small disagreements on views, thoughts, and actions.
Bottom line is, we can’t change the world. We can do our small part in attempts of trying, but there is no way to do it all. We can try to find someone who agrees with everything we say, but what’s the fun of that? Everyone thinks in a different way, and we can’t blame them.
The fact that this all sprung from a book does not make sense to me. I guess that I have been struggling with resentment of things that I cannot change. I realize now that there is no point in resenting something that I can do absolutely nothing about. I can’t preach acceptance when I can’t even do it myself.
I’d like to believe that most people come in our lives for a reason. Whether it’s a lesson, or a blessing, they’re there with some sort of intention. We can make the best of it, or see the worst. I’d like to stop trying to change the unchangeable, and just accept it for what it is.
I think a lot of us struggle with the same thing, so i’d like to end this blog with maybe the worst ,but most simple quote ever.
“You do you”
As stupid as it sound, it’s true. It is exactly what we all should do, and all we should ever expect from others.
Accept other’s opinions, views, and thoughts & stop trying to change the unchangeable.
The girl who over thinks books and decides to write blogs about them